Last month on the 8th was my 24th birthday, and I didn’t feel much of anything. There was no sense of ceremony to celebrate, and even my mom forgot my birthday. I think age is just a number to me — I can keep eating ice cream, splashing in puddles, watching the little crabs at the supermarket, discovering cute little things, doing the things a grade schooler would do. Growing up might just mean allowing yourself a double serving of happiness — both the joys of adulthood and the joys of childhood.
This year I don’t have any specific wishes either. Just live fully in the moment, experience, and feel.
1. At 24, Go Experience and Feel All the Beautiful Things
Last month I watched a pretty interesting Japanese drama called We Are Made of Miracles (僕らは奇跡でできている, 2018), which gave me a lot of inspiration. The protagonist is a university lecturer who teaches animal behavioral science. In class, he poses intriguing questions like “In the tortoise and the hare story, why didn’t the tortoise wake up the sleeping rabbit?” and “Why do zebras have stripes?” When students ask him for the answers, he always replies, “I don’t know either.” It struck me that many questions really don’t have standard answers, and there’s no absolute right or wrong. Under the intense exam-oriented education I grew up with, I’d almost lost the ability to think freely and imaginatively, with no curiosity or desire to explore other forms of life in this world. So on a morning when I happened to wake up early, I listened carefully to the several different bird songs coming from downstairs.
Observing the small things around us can really help us briefly escape from the rule-based framework of human society and enter a broader world.
I’ve watched some interviews and listened to some podcasts where everyone emphasizes “being yourself” — things like “you must do things you enjoy in life” and so on. It’s such a broad concept, but “I” simply can’t find what I like doing. What I enjoy doing is doing nothing at all — does that count as “being yourself” in the conventional sense? One day while listening to a podcast, I heard a view that resonated with me: we’ve given language absolute authority, and within this rule-based framework defined by language, so many things feel restricted. Language defines people, divides them into classes and hierarchies, and establishes rules about what’s meaningful and what’s valuable. But I feel like our existence is simply the act of being. From birth to now, we’ve always been ourselves. Not having found something you’re passionate about, not having discovered your talent or interest — none of that is a big deal. Just being alive is already an incredible existence. We don’t necessarily need to trap ourselves in some particular narrative.
I often feel like I’m a strange person, unable to understand many of the rules in the human world, drifting outside the crowd. My therapist told me, “That’s part of who you are — respect and preserve your uniqueness.” I used to have no idea what it truly meant to “love yourself,” but when I heard those words, I realized that loving yourself starts with accepting all of yourself — accepting that you’re not that clever, accepting your oddities, accepting your ordinariness, accepting your imperfections, and no longer being harsh with yourself. When you’re feeling down, give yourself a hug and tell yourself: you’re already doing great; no matter what you do, I will unconditionally support you. I will always be your best friend. This year, reading some psychology books and going through a few therapy sessions has allowed me to treat myself with increasing gentleness. I used to agonize over how I seemed to have never had a best friend growing up — I’m always alone, watching movies alone, going to the hospital alone, doing almost everything alone. But I always get along with myself quite well, so I’ve decided: I am my own best friend.
About experiencing and feeling — this has resonated with me deeply. Many times, before doing something or buying something, I’d first seek out other people’s experiences and advice online or in real life, and then decide whether to go ahead. Most of the time, I’d be talked out of it, so I ended up never trying, which means I’ve missed out on forming my own experiences and feelings. While others’ experience is certainly valuable, only by doing something first and having our own experience can we know whether it suits us. So, boldly go experience and feel everything that interests you.
2. Ichigo Ichie (一期一会)
“Ichigo Ichie” (一期一会) is a concept from the Japanese tea ceremony. Originally used in tea practice, it reminds the host and guests to cherish every tea gathering, because the time, setting, and participants of each gathering can never be replicated. On a deeper level, it means that every encounter in our lives is unique and may never happen again, so we should engage with it wholeheartedly and treasure it.
Life is like ichigo ichie. On the train of our own life’s journey, some people suddenly board and others get off midway. The train keeps moving forward, and the scenery and people outside the window fly past behind us, row after row — mountains give way to rivers, and the waters flow endlessly eastward.
Cherish every encounter between people.
3. This World Is a Giant Circle
I really didn’t know what else to write in this section, so I dug up a diary entry from some day in November. That day I went for a walk alone, exploring roads I’d never taken before. The further I walked, the more lost I felt — I couldn’t tell north from south. But I kept going forward anyway. To my surprise, I ended up in an area I’d been to before but wasn’t very familiar with, so I took the opportunity to wander around and explore. I bought a few packs of QQ gummies and went home, haha.
I quite enjoy walking around aimlessly. Sometimes you discover unexpected delights. During a solo trip before, I also used this strategy — just wandering randomly, thinking I was hopelessly lost, but ending up seeing unexpected scenery: butterflies flitting around a trash can, a fierce-looking tabby cat sunbathing in the warm sun, an enormous cactus, buildings I’d never seen before. Without relying on maps or having any purpose, my aimless walking actually led me to the scenic spots from travel guides. After all, the world is a giant circle. All in all, it was a great travel experience for me, and I’ll probably keep doing this in the future.
So perhaps, no matter which way we walk, as long as we keep moving forward, fate will carry us to the rivers we’re meant to reach.
All this rambling might not have any logic to it, and I don’t know if anyone will ever see these things rattling around in my head.
Wishing everyone good health and a happy life.